If Only
by falafel90
Summary: If only Snape had chosen a different path, Lily would have been with him. At least, James thinks so. The two talk, but ultimately it is James who leaves with Lily. One-shot.


A/N: I thought this would be an interesting story…James confronting Snape about how Snape _could_ have had Lily…how Lily would have fallen in love with Snape, if only he hadn't been seduced by the Dark Arts and all. I dunno. It's not funny, like my stuff normally is, but I had the idea and just ran with it. I'm putting it as a JP/LE because there's a bit at the end with them, but most of it is James talking with Snape about Lily. Hopefully it's not too terrible…read and review!

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"Potter." The name sounded harsh upon the lips of one Severus Snape. The seventh year stood with his arms crossed and his face contorted into a sneer. His shoulder length hair slid easily in front of his eyes, blocking his vision somewhat, as he looked glaringly at the _boy_ in front of him.

"I'm sorry, Snape," James Potter whispered. He stood similarly to Severus, with his arms folded on his chest, but his face was free of a menacing glare. In fact, James's face held sympathy and, unfortunately, a tad bit of pity.

"I don't want an apology from you, Potter, so if that's what you're here for, save your breath. You mean nothing to me."

"But Lily does. She means something to you."

Severus sucked in air and looked away from James. "What do you care? You won. I lost. Life is inevitably unfair. What else is new?" He glanced at James, expecting a smirk of achievement, or at least a glimmer of superiority in his eyes, but he found nothing but understanding etched in his face. Severus couldn't handle it; he immediately turned his head and stared at the cement in between the stones of the wall.

"I just…I don't exactly know why I'm here, to be honest. You hate me, I hate you; it's always been that way since day one. I wanted to tell you, I guess…that I'm sorry that things had to end the way it did between you and Lily. I'm sorry…I'm sorry that you guys aren't friends anymore."

"Oh, please," Snape said. "You're there for her right now, sure, but in another month, forget it…you'll be bored…you'll leave…you'll forget all about dear Lily. And who'll be there to pick up the pieces?"

"We're engaged."

Severus couldn't breathe; James Potter's words had metaphorically slit his throat, and he was quickly dying. Falling, falling, falling to the ground, grasping at the wall beside him…but how? Why? Lily _Potter_. "No," he croaked. "It can't…"

James Potter didn't know what to do. As he watched Snape slither to the floor, he wasn't sure whether to help him up, or to walk away, letting him deal with the new information by himself. Because of his inability to choose, he merely stood there with his mouth open slightly. His arms dropped to his sides, and he sighed.

"I know that you're in love with her. I know it, she knows it, hell, all of Hogwarts knows it. Old Slughorn even knows it, and he's rather oblivious to the world, really. Sitting in his office with that crystallized pineapple and hosting those 'Slug Club' gatherings…though I suppose I'm getting off topic here," James said, chuckling awkwardly, as Severus gave him a pointed glare. "The point is," James stated, returning to his previous serious tone, "is that, well, I love her, too. A lot. More than you think. More than anyone thinks, really. I mean, I don't even think I know the complete extent of my love for her, yet. But I do know that I'm not going to leave her, ever. And that I'm never going to get bored of her, or hurt her, or do anything to pain her. Which, to be honest Snape, is more than I can say for you at this given time."

Snape still looked ill. At this point in James's monologue, he was splayed against the wall, glaring at James and fiddling with his tie.

"You know as well as I that Lily and I had a rocky past; but you have said some rather unforgivable things, Sniv—Snape, and you must understand why the two of you aren't talking, surely?" James was pacing back in forth, in front of Severus, but stopped to look at him. "And as much as it kills me to say this, I feel like you should hear this…just so you know…"

James looked hard at Severus, and sighed, revealing a certain vulnerability and sadness.

"If you had never called her a 'Mudblood;' if you had never turned to the Dark Arts, as I think you did to impress her; if you had just…I dunno, been her friend when she _needed_ you to be, instead of Mulciber and Avery's…well, she would have picked you. It kills me to admit it, because I love her so damn much, and I truly do despise you…but it would have been _you_ and not _me_ getting married to her this summer. It would have been you she'd have fallen in love with."

A calm silence passed over the two boys, both contemplating what James had just admitted.

After a few minutes, Severus broke the peace. "Is this what you came here to tell me? To rub in my face? 'Oh, Snivellus, you _could_ have had her, _if only_.'"

"No. I came to tell you _so you know_. So you know what could have been, and quite possibly, what should have been. So you won't have to wonder for the rest of your life. _You had her and you lost her_." James was harsh, and he knew it, but Snape needed to know. "I didn't come to rub it in your face. Not by any means. I just…knowing how much you love her, I thought I'd tell you that—maybe not now, mind you—but she loved you. At least, at one time she did."

"And now?" Snape whispered. He was still lying against the wall, but his back was straighter, and his neck was craned towards James in order to hear him more clearly.

"And now…and now I think that you've lost her," James said. Begrudgingly, however he admitted, "I think, though, you'll always have a small piece of her heart."

"I guess that's something."

"I guess."

The two remained quiet for some time, James standing and Severus sitting. Both were contemplating their own relationships with Lily, pondering their mistakes, as well as their successes, in their respective relationships. James eventually took a seat across from Severus, on the opposite wall. He sighed, and silence yet again ensued.

Minutes had passed when suddenly faint giggling could be heard. It was slowly becoming louder getting closer.

"So I said to him, so I said, 'Sir, I _swear_ I added the mint…I have _no idea_ why your head is twice it's normal size!' Of course, he didn't—"

Lily Evans and Remus Lupin were patrolling the corridors, doing their rounds; Lily was Head Girl, Remus, a prefect. As soon as Lily had spotted her boyfriend and her ex-friend strewn on the floor of the dungeons, she had stopped mid-sentence, rushing over to the scene. Of course, Remus followed suit. What was going on?

"James? Severus?" The two turned their heads simultaneously towards the object of their affections. Lily's eyes ran over each boy for injuries; first James, than Severus. "What are you…? You weren't dueling…were you?" She glanced at James suspiciously. Remus stood behind Lily, taking in the vision in front of him, confused and beyond words.

"Potter and I were just…chatting." Severus gave Lily a rather innocent look, and Lily immediately believed him. Though they were certainly far from friends anymore, she would forever trust him.

"Yes, yes, that's right," James added. "We were."

Lily looked between the two. "What about?"

"I hear you're engaged, Lily. Congratulations." Severus didn't even look at her; he couldn't handle the pain.

"Yes, thank you," Lily said faintly. She glanced down at her ring, a large and vintage diamond, a Potter family heirloom, which sparkled, despite the fact that she was in the dark and dreary dungeons.

James began to get up, while Severus remained motionless on the ground.

"Thanks for the…the conversation, Snape."

"Uh…er…sure, Potter. Let's just not make this a regular thing."

It was awkward, surely; partings always were. It was the last they would see each other, ever. For Severus and James, as well as Severus and Lily.

"Nice seeing you again, Severus," Lily said, waving shyly, giving him a warm smile.

Severus didn't reply; he waved back, though rather weakly, and began to get up from his position on the floor.

As Lily and James and Remus walked back to Gryffindor tower, there was a rather painful silence. James silently refused to discuss his conversation with Snape; Lily desperately pleaded internally that James would share what he had discussed with Snape; and Remus wanted—no, needed—to depart from the group altogether, leaving James and Lily alone to do whatever it was they did while alone on Saturday nights.

As the group approached the portrait hole, Remus trudged into the common room, while James held Lily back.

"I just want you to know…I love you, Lily. I really do. More than you can ever imagine."

"I can imagine it," Lily said, rubbing her hand against his face. "I love you more than _you _could ever imagine…especially considering I once thought I hated you." Lily smiled and kissed his jaw.

James laughed, grabbed her waist, and dragged her into the portrait hole, while Lily kissed his neck and rubbed his shoulder.

James sighed internally. Maybe Lily would have fallen for Snape in another realm, one where life was fairer and Snape wasn't so seduced by the Dark Arts and power…but James had Lily in this realm, the only realm that really mattered in the end…the only one that really existed.


End file.
